Colin contracts backpackitis

A cautious cousin of mine recently travelled Europe staying exclusively in hotel suites. “You never know who you could meet in a backpacker hostel,” she reasoned. “Exactly,” I retorted, “That’s what makes them so interesting.”
Aside from the evils of communal living, there are of course health concerns that might deter wary folk from hitting the backpack trail. Alongside bed bugs, tinea and pregnancy, there is another disturbing condition you may contract while backpacking.
I hereby announce to the medical community the discovery of “backpackitis”, a disease recently observed on a Canadian traveller in Estonia. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him “Colin”.
Colin has spent the last two years travelling Europe with a pack strapped to his back, thus qualifying him as a “backpacker” (carrying objects on your back is an essential part of this form of travel).
The repeated strain of the pack against Colin’s right shoulder blade led to the development of a large puss-filled aberration which could otherwise be described as the world’s largest pimple. After its initial appearance as a small lump, the pimple swelled to nearly the size of an Australian 50 cent piece within several weeks. It developed several separate heads and began to push painfully against nerves.
Home remedies failed to relieve the pain. An attempt to pop the mammoth pimple with a sterilized pin failed, as the tensile strength of its surface resisted penetration. Finally Colin was forced to present to the emergency room of the Tartu hospital, where the doctors were anticipating his attendance. “We heard about you. You’re the foreigner with the huge pimple on his back,” the triage nurse told him. Tartu is a small town, after all.
He was taken immediately into an operating room and anesthetised. Colin was denied the pleasure of watching his enormous pustule explode under the scalpel. Each time he turned to observe the doctors at work he was reprimanded. “Don’t watch, it’s too disgusting,” they told him. He returned with a hole in his shoulder about the size of a pen tube across, five or six millimetres deep, from which puss and blood continued to ooze for several days.
The wound became a point of intense amusement at the hostel at which he resided. Other guests gathered around to stare into his cavity, shrieking in disgust. Despite being warned of the potential harm caused by backpackitis, many travellers continue to trek the globe using this dangerous and unpredictable form of travel.
Stay on the safe side. Keep away from backpackers and hostels. Except ours, of course, it’s fine.